Psyched
by AExupery
Summary: For five years, Caitlin assumed that she's just a victim of some guy's incapability of handling responsibility or maybe even a product of a failed relationship but now she's sure it's more than that. It's not something people may call destiny or fate because it's not anything you can blame the universe for. There's more to it, way beyond what the human mind can comprehend.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

" _One does not become fully human painlessly."_

 _-Rollo May_

And she dared not defy the existential psychologist's very definition of becoming fully human.

Because she, for one, isn't a stranger to pain.

* * *

I.

"Caitlin please, we need to do this. You of all people know that at situations like this, we need to try everything, even if there's a very small to nothing chance of it working."

"I know Cisco, but it's not that easy. The man literally disappeared on me like he never even existed. We both know how hard I tried to track him down the moment I knew but all my efforts seemed futile."

"But things are different now, Cait. It's your daughter's life we're talking about. I know I don't have the right to dwell in your personal life like this but I just can't stand here and watch Ellie di-"

"Stop! Just stop, okay? Don't ever say that again Cisco or I might just forget the fact that you're the only best friend I have. I know what needs to be done but believe me when I say that finding him is just as good as finding an immediate cure to my daughter's condition."

"I'm sorry, Caitlin. I shouldn't have said or even just thought of it. I'm just so worried about her. But I promise that we'll track him down as soon as possible."

"But how? How can we find a man with a ridiculously common name like John Smith? I didn't even know where he lives now and the people who he mentioned to me before didn't even recognize him. Maybe we should just resolve to finding another donor, one that has a higher compatibility rate than the last one. Maybe this time, it will work."

"We've tried that before and it didn't end up as close to what we hope to happen. She needs the best shot Cait and her father is the only chance we've got closest to that."

She let out an exasperated sigh for she knew that he has a point. And a very well-established point at that. She couldn't let her own emotions cloud her judgement especially now that her daughter is involved. She's the most important thing in her life right now and she would do anything just to keep her alive. Even if that meant having to track down the very man she never thought of seeing again. And beg him to be a donor to his daughter who he doesn't even know existed.

"Okay. Let's find him."

It's been five years since she last saw him. Five years since the night that gave her a beautiful daughter who turned out to be her rock, her refuge. She never saw her as a mistake, a product of a one night stand or an impulsive drunken move because she wasn't. She never was. She may be unplanned but not unwanted. Ellie is made out of love, by two people who has found each other and fell in love no matter how short the time. That's why it's still a mystery to her how he just chose to leave her just like that, with nothing to get her by, not even a simple goodbye. Sometimes, she wonders if it would be better to know that he was literally swallowed by the ground beneath and was erased from existence for good. Because if it did, then it would have hurt a little less. She would have cried a little less.

And maybe, just maybe, her heart would feel broken a little less.

* * *

II.

It was a chilly winter night when she first saw him, wearing a black three-piece suit that did nothing to protect him from the breeze blowing harshly at their direction. It was just the first day of the six-month convention she was assigned to attend to as a representative of S.T.A.R. Labs and she decided to go for a walk to explore a place she has been for the first time. She was hoping to find a piece of comfort in a foreign place that would be as good as home to her for the next months. But what she found was way beyond what she expected. She never meant to find it, but it seemed to chase after her. She would have avoided it or maybe have it delayed just a little longer. But her feet were heavy and she's just too tired of running away so she let him.

He has caught up with her.

And so was love.

 _"You know at a season like this, even a three-piece suit won't be able to keep you warm."_

His eyes went from staring at the frozen lake to looking at her, a faint smile forming on his lips.

 _"Then what do you suggest I should do?"_

 _"Go home and make some tea. Anything to warm you up. It would be really nasty to catch a cold at a time like this."_

 _"Are you some kind of a doctor?"_

 _"Something like that."_

 _"Then I probably listen to you, doc."_

She laughed at that and eventually he did too.

 _"So are you going to head home and do what I said?"_

 _"I would but I feel like it's colder at home than here. Sometimes it feels like I don't belong there."_

 _"Is that why you chose to stay here instead?"_

 _"Something like that."_

 _"Here take this."_

She took off her scarf and handed it to him which he's a bit hesitant to take at first. But when he saw her unfaltering smile, urging him to take it, he did.

 _"Thanks. I'll just return it to you tomorrow. Are you from here?"_

 _"No. I'm just here for a convention. Don't mind it. I still have another one back at the hotel."_

 _"Then I guess I'll just have to wear it every time in case we see each other again."_

 _"But if it gets dirty then you might as well keep it."_

 _"I'll laundry it everyday if I have to."_

 _"Everyday?"_

 _"Everyday."_

 _"Okay, then I guess we have a deal."_

 _"Yeah. If you don't mind, may I know your name?"_

 _"It's Caitlin. Caitlin Snow."_

 _"Snow? Like-" He's about to point at the ground when she interrupted him._

 _"Yeah."_

 _"That's a cool name. A really cool name."_

 _"You don't have to make fun of it you know."_

 _"I'm not."_

 _"Yeah? Why don't you tell me your name then?"_

 _"It's John. John Smith."_

 _"Come on. I'd understand if you don't want me to know your name. You didn't have to use the most common name of all you know."_

 _"But it is my name."_

 _"Seriously?"_

 _"Yeah. And here I thought I was the one making fun of yours."_

 _"I'm sorry I just couldn't believe that." She couldn't help but laugh at her own mistake._

 _"It's okay. At least it did make you laugh."_

 _"Sorry again. I'll try to stop right now." But she couldn't._

 _"Don't. You look more beautiful when you laugh."_

That seemed to do the trick. She went back to the hotel after that and he did hear home too. The next morning, they saw each other at a coffee shop and she noticed how good the scarf matched his emerald eyes in daylight.

And that's the first of many days in what later became their morning routine. They started out having coffee together then getting to know each other better. Then the banters came followed by a casual flirt until they reach a point of just staring at each other. Both of them content with the presence of one another.

After some time, they realized that an innocent goodbye kiss on the cheek isn't enough for them. So they decided to have lunch together too and dinner dates until they were inseparable. Which led to that one passionate night when Caitlin told him that the convention is almost over and she'll have to go back to Central City where her life is.

It's supposed to be a night of promise, a night of starting anew instead of ending a wonderful chapter of their lives. But her heart went beyond broken when she got up the next morning and realized that he wasn't there anymore.

* * *

III.

He was found at a sandy shore a thousand miles away from what he used to call his home for the last twenty-one years. For him, it felt like it has just been a little more than thirty minutes but in reality, he was gone for at least nine months. _Nine_ _months_. He went from taking a sorrowful walk home from his father's funeral to waking up in some foreign place he didn't even have an idea how he ended up in.

When he finally arrived at the hospital after he was "found" and "rescued", he noticed just how the people welcomed him with a rather excessive intensity. Almost all of his friends were there, including some who he just barely knew, each expressing their words of comfort and relief. Everything is too surreal for him but what struck him the most is the expressions worn by the two people who he considered as his family or what was left of it. First there was Iris, the strong independent woman he has admired for as long as he could remember. She hugged him as tightly as she could, telling him how worried he made her feel and made him promise never to disappear on her again. Then there was Joe, the man who took him in when his mother died and his father went into prison a few years ago. There were tears in his eyes, a rare sight for him to see. He couldn't fathom how they felt when this happened to him, whatever _this_ may be. He didn't even know what to feel himself.

Who was he? And who was he then? Was it still a part of him? A lot of questions keep on bombarding his mind but he's too fragile to even process any of it.

Eventually, after he has gotten over the initial shock of finding himself in a 1 in every 2,000 situation and has fully recuperated from the aftereffects like confusion and depression, his life went back to normal. Still, he can't help but think of what had happened in those nine months. How did he even survive? Has he gotten a job? Where did he live? Has he met someone? It may be a short span of time but as what most people say, a single second, a single moment, can bring a great impact to someone. Maybe in a form of hope, pain, fear, joy or even love. Although he tried his best to remember, it's simply impossible. Even the doctors told him that trying to retrieve memories of the fugue state would always turn out unsuccessful.

However, he was given a glimpse of what has occurred then, five years later when he was approached by a beautiful brunette, asking him to be a donor to his daughter.

 _His_ daughter.

* * *

IV.

"I found him."

"Caitlin, there's something-"

"But he doesn't seem to recognize me. That bastard. He's lucky my daughter still needs him because if not, I would have literally killed him earlier. I just don't get it Cisco. He's the one who abandoned me, who owed me an apology. If there's someone who should play that I-don't-remember-you card, that'll be me. I just-"

"Cait, calm down okay? I might have an explanation for that. I found something. It's not much but at least it can make things a bit clearer. Just get back at the lab now."

"Okay. I'm on my way."

As she drove her way back at the lab, her thoughts drifted back to the events this morning. It's supposed to be a normal day for her, dropping by at Jitters for her usual morning coffee when it happened. She asked for an extra shot of espresso when she heard someone make a witty remark on that. She whipped her head to face him, ready to quip back at what he said when she realized that the man she's facing is the very man she's been tracking down for the last two weeks.

She was a loss for words at the sight of him. A confusing mix of emotions came crashing to her being. She couldn't bring herself to downright lash out at him for that moment was just too much. Instead she resolved to crying, uncontrollably shaking while she let her fist pound at his chest.

 _"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry miss. Actually, I was hoping to catch your attention because-"_

 _"What did you just say?! How dare you pretend that you don't know me, John? I searched everywhere for you. I waited for you to come back but you never did. You don't know how much pain I went through because of you and now you had the audacity to pretend that you don't know me? What kind of person are you?!"_

 _"I...I'm sorry but I don't really know you. You must have mistaken me for someone else. I'm not John-"_

She shut him up with a slap and said the words she's been meaning to forget before storming out of the coffee shop, leaving him baffled and confused.

 _"I'll never forget the only man I loved for the last five years."_

Arriving at S.T.A.R. Labs, she quickly wiped away the tears from her face. She wouldn't let anyone see her like this especially her daughter. She needs to be strong, or just pretend to be, just like what she's been doing ever since he abandoned her. She went straight to the med bay to check on her sleeping daughter before going to the cortex to see Cisco.

"What do you have for me, Cisco?"

"Caitlin, remember the photo you gave me last week? The only lead that we have to finding your daughter's father?"

"Of course. What about it?"

"I know it's a long shot and would probably give me a negative result but desperation has lead me to run his data here in Central City and look what I found."

He gestured to the monitor beside him and it was displaying the identity of the man they've been looking for.

"That's him. But why is the name not John Smith? It's different."

"I know. That's why I made a further research about him. Look here, he was reported lost five years ago. It says that he was found at the shores of Opal City six months after he disappeared."

 _Opal City._ That was the same place she first met him and that was five years ago also. What does this mean? She feels like a big mystery was about to unfold before her but she doesn't have any idea what.

"Tell me more. Maybe this could explain why he looks like he really doesn't know me."

"I'm working on it. But...wait. It says here, it's confidential. No further reports were made about his disappearance."

"Why? You know what, that's not important for now. We need to know where to find him. After I slapped him earlier, I don't think he would willingly meet me if I happen to know his contact number and call him."

"Yeah. No one in his right mind would want to meet up with someone who has a good chance of giving him a second slap." She just glared at him and continued, "Except maybe if he deserves it. And I know for a fact that he very well deserve a second one. Or a third. And maybe even five more from Ellie."

"Well, about that. Ellie doesn't know her father is still alive. So we have to keep this between us. I don't want to let him in our lives again."

"I totally agree with you on that but don't you think Ellie deserves to know the truth? She's a smart girl I know she'll figure it out one way or another. Plus it didn't help that she looks a lot like him."

"She won't if we would just hold on to the understanding that he isn't. And that's exactly what we're gonna do, okay Cisco?"

"Fine. But don't blame me if it comes blowing up to your face one day."

"I won't. Because it's never going to happen."

"If you say so."

"Can we just focus on finding him?"

"No need for that. I've already located him. He lives with his adoptive father twenty minutes away from here. We could go first thing in the morning."

"Okay, thank you Cisco."

Nothing could ever prepare her for seeing him again but she doesn't have any choice for now. It wasn't about her anymore. So whatever pain, hatred or disgust she had for him, she needed to set it aside. Muster up the courage and be ready to face the real him-

Bartholomew Henry Allen.

* * *

V.

"Barry?"

He's still standing at the same spot where she has slapped him, eyes glued to the door closing at her departure. Who was she? And why did she act like she knew him? Wait, did she really pertain to him as the man she loved-

"Barry?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? Do you know her?"

"I'm fine. And no, I'm sure I haven't seen her before."

"She must've mistaken you for someone else then?"

"I guess so. But she told me she'll never forget the man she loved. What does that mean, Iris?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's just heartbroken. You know what pain could do to someone. You of all people should know that. After what happened-"

"Don't. I thought we've talked about this."

"Oh, no. I'm so sorry Barry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay. I'll see you later."

"But Barry..."

He was out of the shop before she could finish talking. He set out to find the woman who has just lashed out and slapped him. Maybe he really did know her. Maybe she's part of that missing piece in his life that he won't ever get back no matter what he did. It's been five years but he still couldn't seem to settle with the fact that once upon a time, he was a different person. Someone who he could consider to be him and not him both at the same time. What happened to his is way beyond understanding.

And it still haunts him up until now.

* * *

VI.

"Are you sure this is the right address?"

"Yup. It's what it says in the file."

"Okay then. So I guess this is it. Let's go."

She's about to ring the doorbell when Cisco grabbed her arm and said,

"Caitlin, wait."

"What?"

"I know this is not easy for you to do but I just wanna say that I admire you. Even before, when you found out that you're pregnant with Ellie and decided to keep her despite him abandoning you. You're the strongest woman I know and you make me feel proud every time you choose to never give up whenever the going gets tough."

"Thanks, Cisco. You know I wouldn't have done it without you. Thank you for always putting up with me. Even if you always have to be at the receiving end of my frustrations."

"Of course. That's what friends are for right?"

"Yeah. So shall we?"

After ringing the doorbell, they heard a couple of footsteps coming from the other side. Caitlin held her breath as the knob turned and the door opened revealing an elderly man with kind eyes.

"Good morning. What can I help you with?"

"Good morning to you, sir. I'm Caitlin Snow and this is Cisco Ramon. I would want to know if someone who goes by the name of Bartholomew Henry Allen lives here?"

"Ah, quite a research you've done there. Most people know him as Barry. The boy isn't very much pleased with people calling him with his full name." He has that smile on his face which gives away how much he knows the man they're looking for.

"Is he here? We would like to speak with him if that's okay. It's important." It was Cisco's turn to ask.

"I'm afraid he's not here. He left a few minutes earlier to head at CCPD."

"He's a cop?" Cisco asked, failing to hide his amusement.

"No. If only you could see how he stumbles at his own feet you wouldn't even think that. Why don't you come in first? I can offer you some coffee if you'd like."

"That's very nice of you, sir."

"Please, it's Joe. Come inside so we could talk properly."

Joe opened the door wide for them to come in. Caitlin's eyes immediately wandered to the pictures on the coffee table, taking one of his photos as she settled on the couch. There's no mistaking this, it really is him. But why does it seem like he's a completely different person?

"Here's your coffee. I don't know how you like it so please feel free to add cream or sugar. Whichever you prefer."

"Thank you."

"Joe, if you don't mind, I would like to go straight to the point." She looked at him which so much sincerity in her eyes and with his approving nod she said, "We need your son's help. My daughter maybe suffering from SCD and in order for us to fully diagnose that, we need both of her parent's medical background. Then we need to find a donor that's compatible with her. I'm afraid our blood doesn't match very well so I need some sample of her father's-"

"Wait, did you say father? Barry has a child? But he hasn't mentioned you or anyone for that matter. Are you sure you're not mistaking him for another person?" He could see the pain in her eyes but he can't help but know the truth. He knew Barry, he raised the child for goodness' sake and he's certain that he's not the kind of person to abandon his own child. Well, if it's really his.

"That's why I came to talk to him today. I haven't mentioned to him that we had a child together and when I saw him yesterday he doesn't seem to recognize me. We did some research to track him down but we discovered something more than that. I learned that a few days after he was declared lost about five years ago, is the time I met him in Opal City. Which was the same place he was found nine months later. I don't understand why he never mentioned to me about him being lost. Or that he had his life here in Central City. He just disappeared from me without a trace, like he never even existed."

"That's because he didn't." Joe said.

"What?!" Both of them exclaimed but it was Cisco who asked first.

"What do you mean he didn't exist? Is this some kind of a joke?"

"I wish it was but it isn't. Wow, I didn't know it could really come down to this." His voice was low and there's a hint of unresolved confusion in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Caitlin asked.

"You wouldn't believe it but this is what happened. About five years ago, Barry walked alone from his father's funeral but he never made it home. We tried searching for him everywhere and waited for him to come back because it was very unlikely of him to just disappear like that. Months have passed until we realized that maybe he has left Central City. We tried our best to keep in touch with other cities until one day, OCPD has reported to have found a man lying unconscious at the shore who we later recognized as our Barry."

"But how can he be your Barry when he told me that he's name is John Smith? I still don't understand."

"Believe me, Caitlin. It's even surreal for me up until now. But to help you comprehend a bit more, the doctors said that he suffered from a very rare case of dissociative fugue. Here, take a look at this." He handed her a brown envelope with what she assumed to be medical records and psychological reports?

 _Dissociative fugue._ 'In dissociative fugue, a traumatic event may prompt a person to embark on an unexpected journey that may last for up to several months or years...during this journey there is memory loss and confusion about personal identity or assumption of another identity...once the fugue ends, the memory of the journey is lost and is often irretrievable.'

Her hands starts trembling as her hold on the paper becomes loose. Everything is clear now and the questions she had for the last five years were answered by that simple piece of paper. She's a scientist, a doctor, so she very well knows how to appreciate the truth. Appreciating is one thing but having to accept it is another. She knows how the depths of the human mind can go a very long way, she witnesses it everyday at work. But now that she has experienced it first hand, no, it was more like she was forced to experience it without even her knowing, she couldn't bring herself to believe in it.

She has heard people saying that it's better to have loved and lost it than to never have loved at all more often than she would have liked but this...what the hell is this? She fell in love with someone who's really not there. Someone who she can never lose because it never existed in the first place. What did she ever do to deserve this cruelty?

"Ah...I see." Is all she managed to say.

"I know this is hard for you but the truth is, that John Smith? He's not real. He didn't really exist. He's just a manifestation of Barry's mind when he couldn't accept the pain brought by the loss of his father. Caitlin, please understand that no one intended for it to happen." He didn't want to add up to the pain she must be experiencing right now but he knew better than to hide the truth from her.

"I know that now but it still doesn't change the fact that he's my daughter's father and she needs him to stay alive. I don't care if he doesn't recognize us. I just need him to be a donor and we could go back to our normal lives after that." She resolved to attending the matter at hand, setting aside her personal conflicts for a while.

"I understand that very well. He might not be himself at that time but I know he'll do everything to help the moment he knows about this."

"Thank you, Joe. That's all the assurance I need. We should go now. I'll leave you my number. Please just let me know when can I meet him."

"Of course, Caitlin. But I would like to ask a favor in return."

"What is it?"

"I would like to see my granddaughter if that's okay with you?"

"Sure. But I can't promise you that she'll recognize you as her grandfather. Don't get me wrong Joe but this...it's a lot to process. I just need more time to figure things out."

"Of course."

They headed back at the lab, neither of them saying a word to each other. If it was hard enough to understand for Cisco, then what more to Caitlin. All this time, she assumed that she's just a victim of some guy's incapability of handling responsibility or maybe even a product of a failed relationship but now she's sure it was more than that. It's way beyond the artistic manipulation of what people may call destiny or fate because it wasn't something you can blame the universe for. It's something scientific, psychological even, and it's cruel enough to make her lose her mind as well.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling today?" She made her way to her bed when she saw that she's already awake, sitting up at the bed she's been settled in for the last few weeks. After her condition got a bit worse, they decided to pull her out of the hospital she was admitted in and transferred her at the lab. Besides, they have better equipment here than most hospitals and they have already contracted Dr. McGee, the leading expert in this field, to be her daughter's personal doctor.

"Mommy! I'm feeling better now that you're here." She said, stretching her arms to hug her mother which Caitlin gladly returned.

"That's good to know. Have you eaten yet? I'll buy you anything you want."

"It's okay. Aunt Jessie already fed me and Uncle Harry made me drink my vitamins."

"I assume you didn't give them a hard time, baby?"

"Of course not, Mommy. I've been a good girl just like what you told me to be."

"Of course you are."

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"When can we go home? I love staying here but it gets boring at times. Look, I've already done coloring all of these pages." She said, taking a coloring book beside her bed and showed it to Caitlin.

"Don't worry baby, Mommy has found someone who can help you so it's only a matter of time before we can go home. In the mean time, Mommy could find you another book to color or Uncle Cisco could show you some of his toys. Would you like that?"

"Yup!"

"Good. But you have to rest for now, okay?"

"Okay!"

She watched as her daughter drifted back to sleep, stroking her hair while doing so. Maybe it was better that she told her that her father's dead because how can she explain something like this? Something that even herself couldn't quite comprehend. And to someone as bright and intelligent as her, that's saying something. She doesn't want to put her daughter to the same pain she experienced.

* * *

VII.

Later that night, Barry decided to stay at work later than usual. He didn't want to deal with Joe and Iris just yet. Even though his life went back to normal, he sometimes feel that they still treat him differently from time to time. He couldn't blame them really. Maybe he'll be as worried if the same thing happened to them. But for once he wants to feel like he wasn't the man who disappeared, who suffered from _that_ condition. He wants to feel as normal as he once was.

"Barry? Where have you been? It's getting late we're starting to worry-"

"Joe, I'm fine. Why are you still up? I thought you need to be at CCPD early tomorrow."

"Indeed. But there's something I want to discuss with you first. It's urgent."

"What is it?"

"I don't know what effect this may have on you but I need to do the right thing. Barry, someone came this morning looking for you. It..it has something to do with what happened five years ago. When you-"

"Just get to the point Joe. It's okay really."

"There's someone you've met in those nine months, Bar. And she needs your help."

He looked at his adoptive father with wide eyes, not believing that he could really get that clarity he needs when it all happened. He has long accepted the fact that his memories of that _journey_ will never be retrieved so knowing that he's now graced with a glimpse of that makes him exhilarated.

"Who is she and what does she need from me?"

"I really can't tell you anything right now for I want it to come from her. Here's her number. I suggest you give her a call and make her come her tomorrow." He didn't know how will Barry take all of this but it needs to be done. A life is at stake, his granddaughter's life to be exact and although he's still not sure of it, he can't help but empathize with her when he saw the sincerity in her eyes.

"Okay. Thanks, Joe. I'll be upstairs."

He went straight to his room, examining the calling card of one Dr. Caitlin Snow. The curiosity is eating him up so he got his phone and quickly dialed the number. After a few rings, she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I'm sorry to call you this late but someone informed me that you were looking for me. This is Barry Allen by the way."

The line went silent for a while as Caitlin reveled in the sound of his voice, the same one that used to make her heart flutter.

"Ah, yes. It's okay. Thank you for contacting me this instant. I have something important to discuss with you but I prefer to talk about it in person if that's okay with you?"

"Yeah. About that, I was actually going to invite you here tomorrow for lunch. Where can I pick you up?"

"There's no need for that. I'll drive there myself. I'll see you at around twelve?"

"That would be great. See you."

She didn't answer anymore, instead she dropped the phone from her ear, letting it sink in that the man she loved doesn't even know her anymore, has never knew her either. And tomorrow, she'll tell him about the daughter they had, the only reminder of the nonexistent relationship they shared. The only good thing that came out of the dreadful circumstance they once find themselves in.

* * *

VIII.

"It's you!" He exclaimed when he opened the door, revealing the woman who has slapped him yesterday.

"What?"

"You're the woman from yesterday."

"Ah, yes. I want to apologize for that. I've been going through a difficult time right now but I know that shouldn't be an excuse for my behavior yesterday. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. Why don't you come in first? Lunch is almost ready."

"Thanks but I don't think I have time for that. I want this done as soon as possible if that's okay."

"Yeah. If that's what you want. About what you said yesterday, was it true that I'm-"

"Mr. Allen, your adoptive father has already informed me of the...condition you had five years ago so everything's clear to me now. Whatever it is that I said yesterday, that was all a mistake. I'm here to ask for your help. It's really important."

"What is it?"

"My daughter maybe suffering from SCD and we need to check both of her parents' genetic composition to be sure. It's very close to positive so she needs a couple of blood transfusions or maybe a stem cell donor for that matter. That's why I came to see you."

"But why me? I'm sure there are a lot of options you can find since you're from S.T.A.R. Labs. You have the most advanced technology there right?"

"That's right. That's why I've come down to this decision. We've conducted a thorough research regarding the potential donors for my child and after running her data in the system we found out that you're the best chance we've got-"

"No. I refuse to believe that that's the only reason why you're here. I know we some sort of history with the way you approached me yesterday so if you want my help you better start telling the truth."

She's this close to slapping him again after hearing what he just said. Although she knew that no one's to blame for what had happened she couldn't help but vent out all her frustrations at him.

"Fine. You want the truth? I'll give you the truth. Three months after you 'disappeared' five years ago, we met. We fell in love...or at least I know I did. Before you left, something happened between us which is why I'm here talking to you now."

"What do you mean?"

"We had a child together. You're the father of my daughter who's now-"

"Barry? Who is she and what is she talking about?"

Iris, who has just arrived, couldn't help but jump in when she heard about this woman accusing Barry of having a child with her. She recognized her as the one who slapped him yesterday so she knew that Barry doesn't know her so what was she doing here at their home?

"Iris, this is a private conversation. You shouldn't just barge in. Caitlin, I-"

"No, Barry. Didn't you hear? She's telling you that you have a child! You don't even know her. How can you be so sure that this is just some kind of-"

"Iris, please! Can you just leave? I'll tell you everything later but please have some respect. I'm so sorry about this, Caitlin. I really am. Maybe we should just go somewhere else-"

"No, it's fine. I've already said what I needed to say. If you don't believe me, then we could always run a DNA test or we could forget this ever happened. This is probably a mistake anyway. I'm sorry if I needed to come and ruin your life. I didn't mean to. If it wasn't for my daughter, I wouldn't have thought of looking for you in the first place."

With that, she grabbed her purse and stormed off. She ran to her car, ignoring Barry calling after her. This is more than what she expected. Yes, she imagined of any possible outcome of this confrontation but this isn't one of them. The worse, she thought, is if he would refuse to help but she didn't get to that part because she let her emotions get the best of her. And she never felt as confused as she did now.

She knew that after all those years, he may have met someone or maybe even got married so why does the thought of someone talking in his behalf, acting like the legal wife knowing about the mistress, upsets her so much? She wasn't even the mistress and she hopes that the woman wasn't the wife either. But what is she really? What were they before? And what are they now? Could it be that-no, she refuse to. She's supposed to be mad him, or maybe at herself for leaving that minute space in her heart, hoping that maybe they'll have a second chance. But after all that's happened, after she learned the truth about him, _them_ , she won't let herself fall in that trap again.

So whatever residual feelings she has for him, or for the man that he was, she has to bury it to the ground.

And that's exactly what she did.

* * *

IX.

"What was that about, Iris?" He said as he entered the house. He just got back from trying to run after her and miserably failed.

"Look Barry, I'm sorry if I had to act like that. But I don't see why you have to be so comfortable with her telling you that you have a child together. You don't even know her."

"You don't understand Iris. She told me that we've met five years ago when I went through that...state. We had a child together that I never knew about because I went back to being me."

"How can you be so sure that it was you she's looking for?"

"I don't know Iris. But she wouldn't have gone here if she didn't specifically searched for me. Why are you so reluctant about this?"

"I care about you, Barry. I just don't want people taking advantage of what happened to you especially if what she's saying is not true-"

"But what if it is? Can you imagine how she might have felt when I left her? And how after five years she learned that the father of her child is nothing but a manifestation of...of my twisted mind?! No one's taking advantage of me Iris. If there's anyone who makes me feel incapable of being normal then that's you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He paced back and forth in front of her, hands in either side of his head. He's been bottling up this emotions for a long time now and it's time for him to let them know how they made him feel after all that's happened.

"You and Joe, you never treated me the same way. After I disappeared, you started seeing me as someone incapable of taking care of himself. At first, I understand how you felt. I'd do the same if it happened to you too but it's been five years Iris. Stop making me feel abnormal more than I already am."

"Oh, Barry. I'm so sorry. We never meant to make you feel that way. Gosh, I'm so stupid. I promise I'll apologize the next time I see her."

"Thank you, Iris. So please just be okay with this. When she came seeking for my help despite knowing what happened to me, I was relieved that she finds me normal enough to do that. For the first time in five years I feel like I'm capable of doing something."

"I understand. But please have them run a DNA test-"

"Iris-"

"Just to be sure. I didn't mean-"

"Good night, Iris. It's been a long day. I need some rest."

"Okay."

He went straight to his room, letting all the tensions of this day sink in. He didn't know how to feel about having a child. He's still finding a place for himself but now there's someone who needs his guidance, his protection. It scares him but at the same time there's a growing feeling inside of him that he couldn't explain, the need to care for someone he hasn't even met.

* * *

X.

The next day, Caitlin went back to the lab after getting a change of clothes for Ellie. After the conversation she had with Barry, she didn't know what to do anymore. Ellie's condition may be stable for now but who knows what might happen next. She set aside that thought as she entered the cortex and to find that Cisco's already in there.

"Caitlin, how was it? Did he agree to help?"

"I don't know. We haven't finished talking and I don't think his family is very welcoming of him having a child with some random girl."

"They said that? I thought Joe-"

"Joe wasn't there yesterday. It's someone else. She didn't say the exact words but she had implied that maybe Barry's not the father of my child. I don't know who she is but she seems protective of Barry."

"His girlfriend maybe?"

"I don't know Cisco and honestly I don't want to talk about it for now. Where's Ellie?"

"She's with Harry probably talking about scientific breakthroughs fifty years ago. He's lucky that Ellie's such a kind little girl who can put up with his boring lectures. I don't think he has the word 'fun' in his vocabulary."

"You have your hobbies too, Cisco. And you know how to have fun?"

"Please, Cait. It's me we're talking about. You remember the time when I made Ellie laugh so hard she almost cried?"

"Of course. And oh, how can I forget the time when you almost blasted my daughter with the cold gun because you we're having so much _fun_?"

"I already said sorry for that, Cait. And if time travel was possible, I would go back to that time a thousand times just for you to forget about it."

"You know what, at that time, I really thought of freezing you for good."

They both laughed at that. Then Cisco said,

"Those were the good times. I really hope Ellie doesn't have to deal with this anymore."

"Yeah. I just hope that Barry would still go through with this." She still finds it hard to be used to saying the name Barry for it has been John to her for so long.

"Speak of the devil."

"What?"

"See for yourself."

Caitlin looked at the monitor Cisco gestured at. It's their surveillance camera from the front door, displaying Barry who's currently being interrogated by the guard.

"So should we let him in or?"

"I'll just meet him at the lobby. Make sure Ellie stays with Harry."

"Okay."

Caitlin went immediately to the lobby after signaling to the guards that it's okay to let him in. She straightened up her dress before calling out his attention.

"Mr. Allen. What brings you here?"

"Just call me Barry. I'm here to talk to you. I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, Caitlin."

"It's okay. You didn't really need to go here just to apologize."

"Actually, there's something more that I want to say."

"What is it?"

"I would like to help out with your daughter's situation."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

"Okay. Then I guess we should run a DNA test first."

"There's no need for that. I believe you. You wouldn't have gone through all these trouble if you're not saying the truth."

"You might not want to run the test but I need to. I don't want to leave any room for doubt especially from your family. So if you want to help we have to do this the right way."

"I understand. Uhm, Caitlin?"

"Yes?"

"Can I see her?"

She's a bit hesitant at first but who was she to deprive him of the right to see his daughter? She made up her mind and said,

"Of course. But I'll have to introduce you as my friend. I still haven't thought about this...current situation."

They made their way to the cortex and was welcomed by Cisco who's beaming at them like they were made of chocolate. He extended his hand to Barry and said,

"Cisco Ramon. Caitlin's best friend and Ellie's favorite uncle. It's nice to finally see you in the flesh.

"Barry Allen." He said, taking the other man's extended hand.

"I know who you are. Five years ago, I would've break your nose for what you did to her but now that I know what happened, wow, I don't know what to say. I mean that's totally wicked, man! I can't imagine-"

"Cisco, please. Just get Ellie. Barry wants to see her."

"Okay, sure."

"Remember what we talked about okay? She must not know yet." Caitlin said, giving Cisco a stern look.

"Fine. Nice meeting you, Barry. She totally have your eyes and maybe your goofy side because Cait never had that-"

"Cisco!"

"Alright, alright I'm going." He reluctantly left the room while trying to talk to Barry without any sound coming out of his mouth.

Caitlin just shook her head, smiling faintly as she noticed Barry staring at her. She quickly composed herself and asked him,

"Are you nervous?"

"What? Oh, a bit." He said when she brought him out of his trance. She has already caught his attention when he saw her at Jitters that day. But seeing her smile, although faintly, takes him into a new level of admiration.

"Just a bit?" She asked, raising a curious brow.

"Okay, I'm more than nervous right now. Yesterday, I was just a normal forensic guy who lives only for himself but now I'm a father. I can't believe I have a daughter now. Five years old right?" She noticed the way he nervously scratched the back of his head, it was the same telltale sign he had before.

"Right. Tell me about it. A few days ago, I never thought I would want to see you again after you abandoned me but now after I learned what happened, I stopped seeing you as the jerk who-oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It just came out."

"Hey, it's okay." He took a couple of steps closer to her. He didn't know why but he felt like he needed to do it. "If there's someone who has been hurt more than I did, that's you. I'm sorry you have to go through this alone."

"Barry, I-"

"Mommy!" Ellie came running to her mom after Cisco has brought her to the cortex. As much as he want to witness their interaction, he decided to give them the privacy they deserve. Besides, he could always eavesdrop from the comms.

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling today?" Caitlin asked her daughter, crouching down to her level.

"I'm good. Mommy, who is he?" She innocently pointed at Barry who has been looking at her with an unreadable expression in his face.

"He's a friend of Mommy's. And he's gonna help you be better. He's name's Barry Allen. Why don't you introduce yourself and say hi?"

"Okay." She retreated from Caitlin's arms and made her way to Barry. He too, has bend down to meet her properly.

"Hi, Mr. Barry. My name is Elizabeth Nicole Snow. You can call me Ellie if you want."

"Hey there, Ellie. It's so nice to see you." He couldn't help but reach out to her, encasing her in a tight hug. This feeling is so new to him but he doesn't mind. After all that he's gone through in life, the death of his mom, his dad going to jail for that and eventually having the heart attack that made him a complete orphan, he never had the chance to feel this happy. Those traumatic experiences that lead him to go through that fugue state, were nothing compared to what has come out of it. Because here, in his arms, is the ray of light shining in the darkness in his life. He barely knew her but the joy she gives is something incomprehensible. What more if he could spend his time getting to know her?

"Mr. Barry, why are you crying? Did something hurt? Mommy can take a look at it if you want. She's good at making me feel better whenever something hurts." She said when Barry finally let go of her.

"No, sweetie. I'm fine. And please just call me Barry. I'm just really glad to meet you."

"Do you want to see my coloring book? Uncle Cisco said I'm getting better at that."

"Sure. If that's okay with your mommy." He shot a look at Caitlin who has been admiring the sight before her. What would she give just to witness this everyday? Maybe even in a different setting, at a two-storey house with a backyard and a front porch. But that's just a dream. And she knows very well that dreams never really do come true.

"Sure."

Ellie squealed and he mouthed a 'thank you' as their daughter dragged him to a small playroom adjacent to the cortex. Hours went by with the two of them playing and bonding with each other. She has already introduced him to Jessie when she happened to pass by and eventually to Harry who has been observing the interaction for quite sometime.

"They get along really well, Caitlin. I don't mean to be intrusive but I think it would be better for your daughter to spend time with her father. With her current condition, I think we need to give the best for her."

"I know, Harry. But I'm still undecided whether to tell Ellie or not. There's just a lot going on but for now I just want to focus on making her better."

"I'm not asking you to tell her right away. I'm just saying that it would be better for Ellie to have a father figure beside her. And she clearly sees that in Barry. It's only natural because he's her father."

"Okay. I'll think about it."

"You should probably remind her of dinnertime. That kid can really forget anything whenever she has directed her focus on something else." He's eyes are on Ellie as he was speaking, clearly reminiscing the times when Jessie was still that young.

"You're right. Wanna join us for dinner?"

"Maybe next time. Jessie and I had plans. Speaking of which, I only have half an hour to prepare. I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Snow."

"Okay. Thanks Dr. Wells."

As he left, Caitlin went to the playroom where Barry and Ellie are now sitting in front of a small plastic table, each of them drawing on a piece of paper.

"Mommy, look. Barry taught me how to draw a puppy." She said, holding up the piece of paper with a cutely drawn puppy.

"Wow, that's really good baby. But it's almost dinnertime. You need to eat so you can drink your medicines."

"Can we eat outside again?"

"Sure, sweetie. Wherever you want."

"Can Barry come with us?"

Caitlin looked at Barry and now she knows for sure where did her daughter got that adorable face she makes when she wants something.

"Why don't you ask Barry first if he wants to come with us?"

"Really, Mommy?"

"Really." She quickly got up and hugged her. Then walked to the other side of the table to tug at Barry's sleeve.

"Would you like to come with us for dinner?"

"I would love to." He said, beaming at Caitlin for letting him come with them.

During dinner, he learned a lot about his daughter; her favorites, her dislikes, her antics and many more. He noticed that she's a lot like her mother, especially when she makes the expressions her mother does. He knew of how she gets bored of having to stay at S.T.A.R. Labs all the time and how she misses their home. Despite the information he got today, there's still a lot to know about the family he would've had. His mind keeps on drifting to the what ifs. What if they met at different circumstances? What if he never got back on being Barry and stayed at that state? Would he be this happy? What if he wanted this to never end? Would she let him? These are just some of the questions that he kept at that treasured space in his mind. He might not get the answers yet but eventually he will. He'll just have to take one step at a time. He wouldn't want to rush things with them. Each moment is just too precious for him.

After they had put Ellie in bed in her current room at the lab, with Barry having to read her a bedtime story as per his daughter's request, Caitlin decided that it's time for Barry to go home.

"Thank you for agreeing to help out with her condition, Barry."

"She's my daughter too, Caitlin. I couldn't even explain it. I just met her today but I already feel like I'd be devastated if I ever lose her."

"That's the exact feeling I had when I gave birth to her. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was terrified. I'm just twenty-two and my career is just starting to bloom so the idea of having a child scared me a lot. And to think that I have to raise her alone..."

"Caitlin, I'm so sorry. If I knew then I would've have looked for you. I really wish I was there the moment she came into this world and the days after that. I know I can't just magically turn back time so please, let me be there for her from this day forward."

She could see the sincerity in his eyes but still, she's not quite comfortable with having him around. It's not that easy to forget and even though she knew he wasn't really at fault, it just made things harder for her to accept. She took a seat on one of the benches near the parking lot, urging him to do as well.

"I...I don't want to be unfair to you and Ellie but please understand that it's not an easy decision to make. I know it's already been five years but I can't say that I have fully recovered from what happened."

"Believe it or not, I haven't either. What happened to me is something I refuse to accept until now."

"What was it like? If you don't mind me asking."

"I haven't really opened up to someone about this, even to Joe and Iris, but you know what? Those nine months felt like it was just thirty minutes to me. The last thing I remembered was that I was walking home from my father's funeral then suddenly I woke up to a place I've never been in. After that, I've been occupied by a lot of questions, most of which kept me awake every night. I really wanted to know what happened in those nine months but no matter how hard I try, I can't remember anything."

"That must be really hard for you."

"It is. And it still scares me that maybe one day it will happen again."

"Did the doctors tell you what may be the cause of it?"

"They said that it's because I've experienced trauma when my father passed away. You know when I was still young, my mom was murdered and my dad went to jail for that. I know he didn't do it that's why I chose to have a career in forensic science so I could find my mom's killer and free my dad but before I could do that he..."

Tears were slowly forming in his eyes and he doesn't know why but he feels comfortable talking with her. Comfortable enough to let all the bottled up emotions flow freely from his mouth. He felt when her hand gave his a reassuring squeeze. He didn't deserve it but he takes it anyway. How can someone so broken and hurt as her could give comfort to the very man who caused all this pain to her? He may not remember her anymore but he's sure there's a reason why he fell in love with her before. And he's not afraid of finding it out one by one.

"It's okay. I guess pain is a part of our lives that we can't run away from. But instead of being consumed by it maybe we should just use it to become a better version of ourselves."

"You're right. I'm sorry if I told you all of these. I know you of all people shouldn't be the one to-"

"Hey, I told you it's okay. Just think of it as my way of thanking you for agreeing to help Ellie."

"It's my responsibility as a father to her. You don't really need to thank me. If there's one thing, it's you who I want to thank. For bringing something so wonderful into my life and for letting me know her despite the pain I caused you."

"It's no one's fault. I know that now. I guess were just victims of one rare circumstance that neither of us knew about. But I don't have any regrets because that situation, how unfortunate it may be, lead me to have a wonderful daughter."

"Our daughter."

He smiled at her and for the first time, she smiled at him too. But it disappeared as quickly as it appeared when she remembered that he's not the same man she fell in love with. She quickly stood up, freeing her hand from his grasp and said,

"It's getting late. I should probably go back inside. You should head home too."

"Yeah. Caitlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I see her again tomorrow?"

"Of course. Actually, I was going to ask you to be here tomorrow so we could start running some tests. Ellie's stable for now but I don't want to take anymore risks."

"Sure. Are you staying here for the night?"

"Yes. I've been staying here ever since we transferred Ellie from the hospital."

"Isn't that hard for you? How about your work?"

"As you know, I'm working here also so it's like hitting two birds with one stone. It's a bit tiring but I can manage."

"If there's anything you need just let me now."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"By anything I mean, everything okay? You know just whatever you need. And Ellie too, of course-"

"You're still a babbling mess just like before. Some things don't really change, huh?"

"Wha-really?"

"Really. Good night, Barry."

"Good night, Caitlin."

They both went their separate ways, each of them finding solace with one another. Maybe because they've both experienced pain like no else did. Has been trapped in an unusual situation that went beyond what the human mind can comprehend. It's something like that, somewhere in between. They may not know what it was really but it's enough for them in that moment.

* * *

XI.

The next morning, Barry got up earlier than usual. He's feeling a bit different than normal but in a good way. He's feeling more alive, like he has found a reason to get up every morning. Maybe because he did. He thought of heading to Jitters first and grab breakfast before going to S.T.A.R. Labs to see his daughter.

"You up already, Bar?"

"Yep. I'm going to S.T.A.R. Labs first before I head to CCPD. I was thinking of taking a one week leave. Do you think Captain Singh would be okay with that?"

"Woah Bar, what's gotten into you? I haven't seen you this energetic since you were what? Fourteen?"

"I don't know Joe. Maybe this is the effect of being a dad. If I have known then I would've married and have kids earlier." He laughed at his own joke, both a first for Joe to see in a very long time.

"You're just saying that because you weren't there when she was still a baby who did nothing but to cry all night and ask to be fed. You should ask Caitlin how she managed to survive that alone."

"You're right, Joe. I really wish I knew then." He sat down on the couch, sighing.

"Hey, Bar. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. Look, you can never change what has happened but you're in control of what is happening now. If you want to make it up to them, rest assured that I'll be with you every step of the way."

"Thanks Joe. It means a lot. You should see her. She's got my eyes and she's so adorable you'd easily fall in love with her."

"She's adorable because she's got your eyes or?"

"You know what I mean, Joe."

"Yeah, I do. Caitlin already promised me that I could meet her."

"Really? I'm sure you'll fall in love with her too just like I did. She's-"

"Fall in love with who?" Iris asked as she emerged from the kitchen.

"Baby, you heading to Picture News?"

"Yeah, Dad. Who's falling in love with who again?"

"Barry's just telling me about his adorable daughter who apparently got his eyes. Right, Bar?"

"Yeah. You should see her too, Iris. She's-"

"So you've met her, huh?" She asked with a tone that Barry doesn't seem to like.

"I did, yesterday."

"I see. What did they say about the DNA test?"

"I told Caitlin that there's no need for that but she wanted to run the test still. She said she doesn't want to leave any room for doubt and now I know why it seems so important for her to do that." He said, a bit irritated with how Iris is behaving about this.

"Barry, I just want you to be sure about this. Having a child is not a walk in the park so if you're going to be involved in this maybe you should know the truth first. What's wrong with that?"

"I get that. But you don't have to be so negative about this, Iris. With or without a DNA test I know she's my daughter. You wouldn't understand because you've never been a parent."

"You just met her yesterday, Barry! And you call yourself a parent, now?"

"Say what you want, Iris. I don't care anymore. I better be going before I say anything I would regret." He grabbed his bag and stormed out of the house, leaving Iris and Joe behind.

"Iris, what's gotten into you?"

"I don't know, Dad. I'm just not comfortable with the thought of people taking advantage of Barry. She just showed up and told him they have a child and now she needs him to be a donor? Don't you think that's too much, Dad?"

"We both know it's not about that. Caitlin seems like a kindhearted woman who wants the best for her child. She's not like the type to do that to Barry. If there's anything, Barry's the one who wronged her. Not intentionally, of course."

"You just met her, Dad. And now you're claiming that she's a good person?"

"I'm a cop, sweetie. I'm supposed to have a sixth sense about this things. And also to your feelings for him."

"And you can say that too because you're a cop and have a sixth sense about this?"

"No. It's because I'm your father. So tell me, when did this happen?"

"Fine, you got me. Before he disappeared he told me that he loves me. I don't know what to say then but when he went missing, I realized that maybe I'm feeling the same way about him. Now, I feel like I'm about to lose him again, Dad."

"Wow. You've been carrying this for five years?" Iris just nodded and he continued, "I don't know about his feelings for now but I know that if you won't tell him then you'll probably lose him. You can't keep on expressing your emotions through hatred towards his daughter, Iris. We both know it's not right."

"I know, Dad. Thanks for talking some sense into me."

"Anytime, baby."

Barry went straight to Jitters as he had planned. He wanted to bring Caitlin and Ellie breakfast at the lab so they wouldn't have to go out but because of the little incident earlier, he saw that she's already beat him to it.

"I was wondering if I could beat you here and bring breakfast at the lab instead but I guess I'm a little late since you're already here." He carefully sneak up on her side as he spotted her patiently standing in the line.

"Barry? What are you doing here?"

"I told you I was getting you breakfast."

"You don't have to do that. I can manage."

"I know but I want to do this. It's the least I could do for every diaper you changed and other stuff like that." He smiled his goofy smile that hasn't been on his face for the last five years.

"Really? I didn't know you could learn those things overnight." There's a mischievous glint in her eyes, urging for him to continue.

"Yeah. Parenting is really complicated, Caitlin. You have to feed the baby every four hours-"

"Two to three hours. And that's from birth to the third month."

"And they need at least 15 hours of sleep everyday-"

"16-17 really for newborns. And that could change when they-"

"Okay, fine. You win." He said, throwing his hands up in surrender. "My point is I want to make it up to you. For every sleepless nights, diaper changes, anything."

"Even for when I had to...never mind I get your point." She caught herself before she says anything embarrassing.

"When you had to what?"

"Nothing. It's a private thing."

"Come on, tell me. I need to know so I'll know how much I owe you."

"I told you, it's okay. You don't have to-"

"Please, Caitlin. Just imagine if I was there, I'd probably know it anyway."

"It's embarrassing. I'm sure you won't be comfortable of knowing it."

"Try me."

She leaned closer to him and whispered something to his ear. When she pulled away, she won't forget the face he made, one with a mix of amusement and shock.

"You...really did that?"

"I told you, you wouldn't want to know." She gave him a teasing smile for he hasn't still recovered from what she just said.

"Well, I...I...that's really amazing, Caitlin."

"You call that amazing?"

"I said that? No, what I meant was you being a mom is amazing not the-"

"Barry, I'm just messing with you."

"What? How could you!" He wanted to pretend to be mad at her for almost giving him another trauma but when he heard how addictive her laugh was, he couldn't help but laugh as well. When they both recovered, she asked,

"So about the breakfast, I hope your offer still stands?"

"Yeah, of course."

After getting their takeout bags, they headed for the lab to see their daughter. She's already awake and her face visibly lighten at the sight of them.

"Mommy!" She stretched both of her arms towards Caitlin which she gladly took.

"Hey, baby. Look who I found at the coffee shop earlier."

"Hi, Ellie."

"Barry! Are you going to play with me again?" She's beaming at him and as much as he want to say yes, he couldn't. He'll have to wait until Captain Singh approves his request for a week long leave.

"I'm sorry baby but I can't. I have work to do. I promise to drop by later for lunch. Would you like that?"

"Yup!"

"That's a good girl."

"Ellie, Uncle Cisco's gonna be here to feed you okay? Barry and I are just going to discuss something."

"I'm a big girl now, Mommy. I can eat alone."

"I know but Uncle Cisco gets sad if he doesn't have someone to eat with. Do you want Uncle Cisco to be sad?"

"Of course not, Mommy. But where is he? I'm getting hungry."

"He'll be here in a minute." As if on cue, Cisco came rushing from the cortex.

"Ellie, baby! What do we have for today?" He said as he rummaged through the takeout bags.

"Cisco, those are for Ellie. Not for you." Barry said.

"Barry? Hey man, what are you doing here this early?"

"I dropped by to bring Ellie and Caitlin breakfast."

"Right. Thank you." He said, raising a suggestive brow towards Caitlin who just looked at him bewildered.

"Cisco, look after Ellie for a while. Barry and I are just going to talk."

"And please don't eat all of the food."

"It's okay Barry. Uncle Cisco and I could share."

"You heard the kid, now scoot!"

Barry and Caitlin just shared a look and proceeded to the cortex to discuss matters regarding their daughter's condition.

"She's showing symptoms of SCD but we still wanted to be sure so we needed some blood samples from you so we could verify. It's an inherited disease and she needed both of the affected gene to be positive of SCD."

"What's her condition as of now, Caitlin?"

"The thing about sickle cell disease is that episodes of pain only happens when there's sickling of the red blood cells. In between those, the patient seems and feels normal. This could be very fatal if not treated immediately so I searched for you the moment we learned about this."

"I see. Isn't there a specific treatment for this? Like a one time medicine or operation she could undergo?"

"As of now, there isn't. If she's positive of SCD then a longterm treatment is needed. Apparently we need to make sure she stays healthy and avoid the activities that could trigger the sickling of cells." She sighed as she went through the possibilities of what may happen to her daughter. She sat on her usual seat and Barry took the opposite one from her. He looked intently at her and said,

"Caitlin, whatever the result may be, I promise to be with you every step of the way."

"Thanks Barry. I don't know what to do if something bad happens to her."

"Hey, let's be positive okay? We'll get through this together, alright?"

"Alright."

* * *

XII.

Days passed with Barry and Caitlin eventually having an established routine. Barry insisted of bringing them breakfast and lunch which Caitlin isn't comfortable with at first. But when she sees how her daughter appreciates the gesture, she slowly lets Barry do what he wants. As for dinner, they usually go out, just the three of them to wherever Ellie would want to eat. He would always end up reading his daughter a bedtime story before she goes to sleep and with Caitlin escorting him out of the lab every night.

It's just a normal day at the lab and Barry has just arrived from a restaurant downtown. A place where he later learned to be Ellie's favorite one. He went straight to her daughter's room only to find out that Caitlin's there, singing adorably out of tune to their sleeping daughter. He watched her from the entrance of the room, careful not to disturb her moment. He doesn't know why but her voice is somehow the most beautiful he's ever heard. He kept on listening to her, staring as he let himself fall deeper and deeper into-

"If you keep staring at her like that she'll eventually melt."

"Cisco! I didn't know you're here."

"How would you notice me if your attention is solely directed to her and only her?" He replied in a singsong kind of speech.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on, man. Don't play dumb with me. I know how you've been staring at her when she isn't looking."

"I don't have an idea what you're talking about."

"Fine. Then why don't we ask Caitlin if she notices the way you've been looking at her."

"Wait! I didn't mean to stare at her, okay? I just think she's...she's...uhm."

"It's safe to say that you like her. I promise I won't tell."

"What?"

"Please, Barry. I know that look. And it's clear that she likes you, too."

"No way. Have you forgotten that I wasn't the man she fell in love before? I mean, not anymore."

"Exactly."

"What do you mean-oh. You really think so?" Hope blossomed in his heart as he realized what Cisco meant by that. Caitlin may have already moved on from the pain of the past and sees him now for who he really is.

"I wouldn't be her best friend if I don't know her this well, right? But I have to warn you, she might be feeling the same way but knowing how allergic she is to pain, I don't think she would give you a chance."

"I don't know why you have to build me up only to bring down in an instant. But I won't give up that easily. I just don't know if it's the right to do, telling her how I feel."

"You'll never know unless you try, right? The results of Ellie's tests will come out soon. I'm sure Caitlin will need someone to be with when it doesn't come out pretty."

"You're right. So how am I going to do this? Should I just ask her out?"

"Yeah. But you should ask for Ellie's permission first. Then maybe you could let her help you ask Caitlin out. You know she can never say no to her daughter."

"That's brilliant. Thanks Cisco."

"Nah, it's okay. I'm actually doing this for Ellie. That kid deserves both of her parents with her. Going through this situation is hard enough for her and if there's a slight chance of you and Caitlin getting back together then it's worth the shot."

"You really care about her, don't you?"

"Yeah. So if you happen to disappear on them again, I'll hunt you down and shoot you myself." He said and tapped his shoulder. As he walked away he blurted out, "Get in there and stop staring. Ellie must be hungry by now."

Doing as Cisco said, he carefully knocked on the door frame twice making Caitlin look at him.

"She's still asleep but she should be waking up soon. Thank you for this Barry. I'll prepare the food first. Mind looking after her for a while?"

"No, it's okay."

Barry took the seat Caitlin has just left and proceeded to stroke her daughter's hair, stirring her awake.

"Uncle Barry?" She has grown close enough to Barry to call him that. He really preferred she call him Daddy but Uncle's okay for now.

"Hey, baby. Do you want to get up now? It's almost lunchtime."

"Yeah, okay."

Barry helped her up, supporting her back as she slowly sits on the bed.

"Ellie, Uncle Barry's going to ask you a favor."

"Anything for you, Uncle Barry."

"I'm going to ask your Mommy out. Is that okay with you?"

"Out? Where are you going?" She has this adorable crease between her brows, something she got from Caitlin.

"We're gonna have dinner just the two of us."

"Why? You don't want eating with me anymore?"

"No, no, baby. Of course I love spending time with you. Okay, how am I going to explain this. Uhm, you're too young to understand this kind of stuff but I know you're a smart girl so I'm going to explain it this way." He said, trying hard to make the five-year-old understand what it meant to ask someone out.

"Do you like my mommy?"

"What?"

"Uncle Cisco doesn't let me come with him whenever he goes out with girls he likes. Isn't that the same, Uncle Barry?"

"Uhm, yeah. I think so." He said, amused by how clever his daughter can be.

"So you really like my mommy?"

"If I say yes, would that be okay with you?"

"Yup! Mommy's always alone and sad especially when I ask her about my daddy. If mommy likes you too, are you going to be my daddy, Uncle Barry?"

"Only your mommy can answer that. But this is going to be our little secret, okay? I haven't told your mommy that I like her."

"When are you going to tell her? I can't wait to have a daddy."

"I was thinking of asking her this Friday but I have a problem."

"What is it?"

"I don't know how to ask her and if she would agree to go out with me so I'm wondering if you could help me?"

"Sure!"

"That's my girl." He said and kissed her cheek.

"Ellie, it's time for lunch. Do you want to eat there or on this table?"

"I'll just eat on the table, Mommy."

Caitlin entered the room carrying a tray of food. She noticed that Barry and Ellie are in a deep conversation before she went inside so she couldn't help but ask,

"What are you and Uncle Barry talking about?"

"It's a secret, Mommy."

"You know how to keep secrets from me now?" She said and shot an amused look at Barry who just shrugged.

"Please don't be mad. Uncle Barry's going to tell you anyway."

"Ellie-"

"What are you going to tell me, Barry?" She turned to Barry, one hand resting on her hip as she looked sternly at him.

"Uh, it's nothing. Ellie's just-" He said, scratching the back of his head.

"Uncle Barry's going to ask you out this Friday."

"Is that true, Barry?"

"Uh, yeah. If that's okay with you?"

"I don't know. No one's going to look after Ellie."

"I'm going to be okay mommy."

"I know baby but I just can't leave you here alone." She said, taking a seat beside her daughter.

"Cisco already agreed to take care of her." Barry said which earned an amused look from Caitlin.

"Please say yes Mommy. I'm gonna be sad if you won't go and so is Uncle Barry."

"Why do I have a feeling that you two are ganging up on me?"

"We're not, Cait. So is that a yes?" Barry asked, a hopeful smile forming on his face.

"What do you think?"

* * *

XIII.

"Joe, what do you think of this?" He went to the living room for the nth time and asked Joe who's currently reading a newspaper.

"Change one more time and I'll shoot you." He replied, not looking up from what he's reading.

"Fine. I have to go now. Don't wait for me."

"Where are you going again?"

"I have a date." He said smiling goofily.

"With who? I didn't know you were seeing anyone. You always spend time at S.T.A.R. Labs...wait, Bar are you going out with Caitlin?"

"I am."

"Are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, you haven't been on a date since-"

"Joe, please. I'm going to be alright. Besides I know Iris has mentioned to you about our conversation last time."

"She did. But you really can't stop me from worrying about you."

"And I appreciate that. But you don't need to look after me always, please Joe?"

"Fine. About Iris, I noticed you haven't been talking to her ever since that confrontation about your daughter."

"Look Joe, I don't have anything against her but she shouldn't talk like that about my daughter. We're okay it's just that she seems to be avoiding me."

"She just cares about you, Bar."

"I know. I'll talk to her some other time. I really have to go now. I don't want to keep Caitlin waiting."

"She must be really special if you refuse to be late for the first time in your life." He said with a knowing look on his face.

"She is."

With that, he rushed out of the house and took Joe's car. He insisted to pick Caitlin up from S.T.A.R Labs so she won't have to bring her car and drive. He pulled up in front of the lab and waited for her. His jaw dropped when he caught sight of her, wearing a black strapless dress with a white belt and matching heels.

"You look...wow."

"Well, I don't always dress like a highschool principal. You don't look bad yourself." That was an understatement because as he was gawking at her, she's doing pretty much the same.

"Shall we?"

"Sure."

After having dinner, Barry decided for them to take a walk in a nearby park but he didn't know it will be this cold since winter is not so close to coming. So he ended up giving Caitlin his overcoat.

"Here take this."

"Thanks."

With that gesture, Caitlin couldn't help but relive the first time they met. It's just like this, on a cold night at the park but it was her who shared him her scarf. A question popped in her head bringing her back to reality, what are they doing? And why did Barry ask her out in the first place?

"Cait, you okay?" He asked when he noticed that she's become quiet, a stark contrast to her behavior in the restaurant earlier.

"Why did you ask me out, Barry?" She sat on a nearby bench and Barry took the space beside her.

"Do I really have to answer that?" Was his intentions still not obvious to her?

"I just want to be clear about...this. What is this to you?" She noticed how they grew closer in the last weeks and she wouldn't deny that she thought of him asking her out sooner but she still had some reservations of it being true.

"It's a date. A man's way of showing his interest for someone he likes."

"Are you saying that you..."

"Please, Cait. I know that there's something between us. This past few weeks have been the happiest of my life and it's not just because of Ellie. Please tell me that it's not just me. Tell me that you feel it too." He said with so much sincerity in his eyes as he took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb on the back of it.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I can't let myself get hurt again, Barry. I don't think I can take it. I only managed to survive the pain before because I had to be strong for Ellie but now that she's facing a critical condition, I don't think I want to risk losing the strength I have left."

"Cait, you've said it before right? You said that pain is a part of our lives and instead of letting ourselves be consumed by it, we need to use it to strengthen ourselves instead. I can't promise you that it's always going to be easy but I can say that whatever happens, I'll be here with you. I'll never ever leave you and Ellie again. Cait, I love you."

She didn't say, I love you too, for it's too soon for her. She kisses him instead, it's both an 'I love you' and 'wait for me' in one passionate display of affection. When they both pulled away, Caitlin kept her forehead on his before saying,

"When I learned what happened to you, I swore that I'll never fall for you again."

"Why? Because you think I'm insane?" He removed his forehead from hers, feeling a bit offended.

Caitlin noticed the way he put his guard up so she reassured him by saying,

"No. Because you're the only man capable of stealing my heart and I'm not yet ready to surrender the thing I've waited so long to retrieve."

"Yeah? So what happened now?" His heart swelled upon hearing her words. Never in his life did he imagine that someone so beautiful, so precious as her would think about him that way especially after what happened to him. He let her put her head on his shoulder as one of his arms went to her waist, drawing her closer.

"Well, I realized that you never really gave it back to me. You may be John to me once but that doesn't matter anymore. You're still you, Barry. The only man I love, not once but twice."

"You love me, Cait?" He has a mischievous glint in his eyes, challenging her to say it.

She just laughed and kissed the corner of his mouth. Then she stood up and said,

"We should probably go home. Who knows what Cisco might be doing to our daughter right now."

"Cait?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I know."

"Cait?" He said again.

"What?"

"I love you."

"You just said that."

"I know."

* * *

XIV.

"Mommy, where are we going?"

"Where going to your Uncle Barry's house to meet Uncle Joe and Aunt Iris."

"Who are they?"

"They are Uncle Barry's family. They want to meet you."

"Okay. Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Is Uncle Barry my daddy now?"

Caitlin, who's in the middle of fixing Ellie's things, looked at her daughter who is still sitting at the edge of her bed.

"What makes you think that, baby?"

"We saw you kissing at the cortex yesterday and Uncle Cisco said that it's what couples do. So if you're a couple now, does that make Uncle Barry my daddy?"

She blushed at what her daughter has just said. This is all Barry's fault for acting like a lovestruck teenager. Not that she doesn't enjoy those moments but she prefer not to do it inside the lab. It's still her work environment and they haven't told Ellie the truth yet so it's really a complication now that she caught them doing those things. She also made a mental note to give Cisco a piece of her mind later.

"Baby, are you ready to go?" Barry said as he entered the room.

"Uncle Barry, are you my daddy now?"

Barry shot a curious look at Caitlin, asking for a sign if she already told her or not. With a small shake of her head, Barry said,

"Why don't you go to Uncle Cisco first? He's at the cortex. Your mommy and I are going to talk for a while."

"Okay."

After Ellie has left the room Barry asked Caitlin,

"Where did she get that idea? Have you told her already?"

"No, I haven't. Well, apparently she saw us kissing in the cortex yesterday and it's all your fault."

"How is that my fault, Cait? It's not like I forced you to do that." He walked closer to her, putting his arms around her waist.

"You know what I mean. Is it my fault if you can't get your hands off me?"

"Fine. But don't act as if you didn't enjoy it."

"I never said that I didn't like it. I'm just saying that we should probably..." She watched as his face grew closer and closer to hers, teasing her.

"We should probably what?"

"Stop with our public display of affection especially when Ellie's around. Including this-"

"But I don't see Ellie around."

"Barry." She warned but his lips were just inches from hers and as much as she wants to close the space between them, she refused. She's a woman of her words and she wouldn't dare break that just because of him being such a tease. So she just grabbed him by the ear, making him scream like a little girl and dragged him to the cortex to fetch their daughter. She released him a few moments before she called out to her daughter.

"Ellie, it's time to go baby."

"Okay. Bye Uncle Cisco!" She waved him goodbye and proceeded to where Caitlin is waiting at the elevator.

"Bye, Ellie! Bring home some food okay?"

"Never going to happen, Cisco." Barry said.

"What happened to you Barry? You look flushed."

"Nothing. And I'm serious about you not having leftovers."

"But why?"

"For putting inappropriate things to my daughter's mind."

"Like you and Caitlin kissing?"

"Exactly."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Really, dude? We haven't told her that I'm her father so please don't say anything to Ellie yet."

"Ohh. Okay, I'm cool with that. So leftovers?"

"Fine."

The ride to his house was peaceful with Caitlin on the passenger seat and Ellie on the backseat. They arrived at the house thirty minutes after and Ellie couldn't help but ask a little more.

"Uncle Barry is your family nice?" She asked as Barry pulled up in front of the house.

"Yes, they are. Are you nervous?"

"A bit." She said, and bit her lower lip. A telltale she got from her mother.

"It's going to be alright. Uncle Barry and I are going to be there so there's no need for you to worry. Okay, honey?"

"Okay!"

"That's a good girl. So Cait, shall we?"

"Sure."

Barry went to her side and opened the door and did the same for Ellie. He picked her up and proceeded to go inside the house. After a couple of knocks the door opened to a smiling Joe.

"Bar, Caitlin come on in."

"It's nice to see you again, Joe." Caitlin said, accepting Joe's bear hug.

"You too, Caitlin. And who is this little lady?"

"Hi mister. My name is Elizabeth Nicole Snow but you can call me Ellie if you want."

"Wow. You really are smart for your age, Ellie. Just call me Joe, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Barry, can I carry her?"

"Sure. Here you go. Just be careful she's very active." He said and handed Ellie over to Joe.

"I'm not, Uncle Barry. You just tire out easily."

They laughed at that and in that very moment Joe thought that Barry was right. Ellie is very easy to fall in love with. He wouldn't blame him for always wanting to spend his time at the lab especially if you have someone like Ellie to be there with.

"Ellie, you want to see Unlce Barry's old room? He's got a lot of stuff in there."

"Really? Mommy can I go?"

"Sure, baby. Just don't give Joe a hard okay?"

"I promise."

With that, Joe and Ellie went upstairs leaving Barry and Caitlin at the living room.

"I told him he'll fall in love with her easily. Now, look at him." Barry said, a goofy smile forming on his lips.

"I'm afraid that if we tell Ellie the truth then Joe might spoil her a lot."

"He will alright. Especially now that he doesn't have to look after me and Iris anymore. But seriously Cait, when are we going to tell her? I can't wait for her to call me Daddy."

"I can't tell you exactly but it's going to be very soon."

"Aww, please Cait? Just one clue." He pleaded with his stupidly mesmerizing eyes but Caitlin jas already made her decision.

"Not happening, daddy." She said and shot him a wicked smile.

"Why does that sound turns me on a lot, mommy?" He replied, moving closer to her.

"Barry, whatever it is you're thinking stop it."

"What do you think I'm thinking, Cait?"

"I don't know but it doesn't seem so good."

"Yeah? But I promise it will make you feel good-"

"Barry? I didn't know you're already here. Dad told me he'll call me when you guys arrive." Iris said as she emerged from the kitchen. If she overhead what they were talking about or noticed how close they were, she didn't let them know.

"Apparently, he's under a spell. He's upstairs with our daughter. You remember Caitlin?"

"Of course. Iris West, Barry's best friend." She said and extended her hand for Caitlin to shake.

"Dr. Caitlin Snow. I'm glad we have been properly introduced." She said, taking her extended hand.

"Look Caitlin, I'm so sorry about my behavior last time I was just shocked. I didn't mean it. I'm really sorry."

"That's okay. No one's really prepared for what happened."

"Alright. Let's eat then. Food's ready."

"Yeah. I'm just going to call Joe and Ellie."

Barry went upstairs, leaving the two women in the living room. Ever since he knew about his daughter, Iris has noticed how he always spends his time at the lab. He barely joined them in dinner and were always out early in the morning. She's starting to think if there's something more that makes Barry want to stay at the lab all the time aside from his daughter and when she saw how close they were earlier, she couldn't help but think that they-no, he told her he loved her right? _But that was five years ago._ Still, he's in love with her even before he knew what love is. _But he never mentioned it again ever since he disappeared._ How can he be in love with someone he just met?

"Barry told me you had a slight misunderstanding and you still haven't gone back to how you were before ever since that. I don't mean to intrude but I hope you two could work things out. He cares about you Iris."

"Yeah. Honestly, I'm just finding the time to talk to him but he always seemed occupied. We barely see each other at home either."

"I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to take most of his time. I'll just talk to him so he won't have to spend almost all of his free time at the lab."

"No, it's okay. I don't think he's forced to stay there. He seems to be having a good time with you guys. Speaking of which, can I ask you something Caitlin?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"You and Barry, are you guys-"

"No, we're not." She quick said, trying to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks.

Iris seemed to notice as she narrowed her eyes at her, waiting for her to elaborate what she has just said.

"I mean, we haven't made anything official yet but we're figuring things out. We're actually planning to tell Ellie the truth first and see how it goes before we-"

"Decide to be a couple?"

"Something like that. I hope you don't mind-"

"No, not at all. Excuse me, I forgot to do something back at the kitchen." She quickly turned away, careful for her not to see the hurtful look in her eyes.

"Do you need some help?" The sudden change in Iris's behavior didn't go unnoticed by her. Did she say something that could offend her?

"I can manage. Just tell them to proceed to the kitchen when they come back."

"Sure."

As all of them settled in the dinner table with Ellie sitting between Barry and Caitlin, Joe at the center and Iris at his left sitting across Barry, he decided to introduce his daughter to Iris.

"Ellie meet Aunt Iris, she's my best friend."

"Best friend? Like Uncle Cisco to Mommy?"

"Yes, baby. Why don't you say hi?"

"Hi, Aunt Iris. It's nice to meet you."

"Hey, Ellie. It's a pleasure to meet you too." Iris said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You know Ellie when we were still kids, we were inseparable. We used to do things together, like playing and going to school. So when you grow up and have friends, I want you to find a friend like Aunt Iris, okay? Someone you can rely on, someone you can trust."

"That's right, Ellie. Find someone who wouldn't set you aside just because he found someone else." Iris spat.

Her statement made everyone in the table look at her. But she kept her glare solely at Barry who's looking bewildered and offended at the same time.

"Let's eat! The food's getting cold. What would like, honey?"

"Everything seems delicious, Grandpa Joe."

"Grandpa Joe?" Caitlin asked.

"I hope you don't mind, Caitlin. I'm just not comfortable with being called uncle. I'm just too old for that." Joe chuckled.

"It's okay, Joe. I'm sure Ellie wants to have a grandpa too, right baby?"

"Yes Mommy and Grandpa Joe is the best! He promised to bring me to the ice cream parlor next time."

"He did?"

"But only with your permission, Caitlin. I just hope you and Barry could speed things up so Ellie could spend a lot of time with me." He said and gave them a knowing look which the both of them just smiled at.

"You already know about this, Dad? And you didn't even tell me?"

"Iris, baby-"

"No. You know what, I have to go. I can't stand this anymore." She said and left the table.

"Excuse me." Barry said, going after Iris to confront her.

"Mommy, what's happening? Is Aunt Iris okay? It makes me sad seeing other people sad."

"She's okay, baby. Uncle Barry and Aunt Iris are just going to have a talk. Why don't you eat first?"

"Okay."

In the living room, Barry and Iris are having a long overdue conversation.

"I know you still have some issues about my daughter Iris but do you really have to do that?"

"This is not just about your daughter Barry. You're always leaving me out with the current events in your life. We barely see each other and I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"Look Iris, I'm sorry if I don't have much time for you and Joe anymore. I just found out that I have a daughter and it's only normal for anyone to have the constant need to be with their child who they haven't seen for a long time. Why don't you understand that?"

"Tell me Barry, is this only about Ellie?"

"What do you mean by that, Iris?"

"You know what I mean. I talked to Caitlin earlier and-"

"Barry!" It was Caitlin, carrying their daughter in her arms who looks like in a state of distraught.

"Cait, what happened?"

"I dont know. She said her stomach hurts but I think it's something more than that. We need to bring her back to S.T.A.R. Labs."

"Okay, I'll start the car."

"I'll come with you." Joe said.

"Alright, let's go."

* * *

XV.

"Dr. McGee, what is her condition?"

"As we have suspected, Dr. Snow, your daughter is suffering from SCD. It wasn't as worse as we expected but she still needs to undergo blood transfusion again to replace the damaged cells with healthy ones. This is going to be crucial so we need a donor with the highest compatibility with your daughter. Have you found someone?"

"I'm going to be her donor, doctor. I'm her father."

"Alright. You have to undergo a series of tests first before we can go through with the procedure. I'll let you know when can we start."

"Thanks, Dr. McGee."

As the doctor left, Caitlin went to the room where her daughter is confined. No one's allowed to go in for the meantime so she resolved to leaning on the glass window, hands clasped together as she prayed that her daughter will be alright.

"She's going to be alright, Cait." He said as he placed both of her hands on either side of her shoulders comfortingly.

"If anything happens to her..."

"Shh, Cait. Nothing's going to happen to her, okay? Look at me."

He made her turn around and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

"Ellie's a strong girl. She'll get through this I promise."

"How can you be so sure, Barry?"

"I know because you raised her. And I'm proud to say that you're the strongest and the most amazing woman I know having to singlehandedly raise a beautiful child like her. If my parents were still alive I'm sure they would be so happy to have met you and Ellie."

"Thank you, Barry. Thanks for always being there for me no matter how hard I tried to push you away at first. I don't know what I would do if you're not here with me."

"I promised that I won't leave you again, right? And I intend to keep that for the rest of my life. So please let me, okay Cait?"

"Yeah, okay. I know this isn't a good time to say this but I know if don't, my heart wouldn't be able to take it anymore."

"What is it? Are you feeling alright, Cait?"

"You didn't have to take it literally, Barry."

"Really? Then what do you mean by that?"

"What I meant is that I love you too, Barry." She said, putting her hands to either side of his face, making him see the sincerity in her eyes.

"What's that?"

"You heard me the first time."

"What?"

"Barry."

"Come on, Caity."

"Fine. I. Love. You. Barry." She said in between kisses.

"You don't know how happy you make me feel, Cait."

"I bet you're going to be happier when Ellie starts calling you 'Daddy'."

"Really, Cait? You're actually going to tell her?"

"As soon as she gets better, I will."

"I..I don't know what to say. I love you so much, Cait. You make me the happiest man alive."

"I do?"

"Yeah. Why don't I return the favor and make an honest woman out of you, Dr. Snow?"

"One step at a time, Mr. Allen. One step at a time."

Barry just held her tighter and kissed her with so much passion he could give. He didn't know that after all he's gone through, he'll be able to feel this happy, this complete. He swore that whatever happens, he will stay strong for them so he won't ever have to go back to that state.

"Ahem." Joe cleared his throat, making them pull apart from each other.

"Joe, you're back." Barry said, trying to act casually.

"I've got coffee but I don't think that's what you two need at the moment." He smiled, making Caitlin bury her face on Barry's shoulder to hide her blush.

"Thank you."

"How's my granddaughter?"

"She's under observation right now but she'll undergo blood transfusion later." Caitlin said after she has composed herself.

"Is it that serious?"

"No but from now on, she'll be going through a longterm treatment but mostly just maintenance medicines. I hope this is the only time she'll have to go through that process."

"Let's just hope for the best, Caitlin."

"Thanks Joe."

A few days later, Ellie has been recuperating well. The transfusion was a success and it's only a matter of time before her health returns back to normal.

"Dr. Snow, your daughter's doing well. I suggest you take her home after we finish doing all the procedures. It's better for her to live an active life than staying here at the lab most of the time. I'll just give you the list of what needs to be after we discharge her."

"Thank you so much, Dr. McGee."

"I'm just doing my job. I'll be going now, Dr. Snow, Mr. Allen."

"Thanks again, doctor."

Barry and Caitlin went to their daughter's room to see that she's already awake.

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Mommy! I'm feeling okay now but can we please remove this?" She said, lifting her arm and pointing at the tube placed at the back of her hand.

"Later baby, okay? You need that to regain your strength back so we can finally go home."

"Really, mommy? We can really go home?"

"Of course, sweetie."

"And after that we could go to the park and get ice cream. Would you like that?"

"Yes, Uncle Barry!"

"That's my girl."

* * *

XVI.

After going through the worst of her life, Caitlin feels like everything is now falling into place. Ellie has fully recovered and her and Barry's relationship has been better than ever. Actually, this is the day that she's going to tell Ellie who her father really is. And what better way to do it than to surprise Barry at work.

But it turned out the exact opposite way because it was her who ended up being surprised by what she saw.

"Baby, mommy has something to tell you." Caitlin sat beside her daughter who's currently sitting in front of a small table, coloring a book.

"What is it Mommy?" She said and wiped some of the stray auburn curls from her face before looking at Caitlin.

"It's about your daddy."

"What about him?"

"I found him, Ellie. And you're going to meet him today."

"Okay."

"Why aren't you excited, baby? You always ask me about him before."

"I don't think I want another daddy. Uncle Barry is like my daddy now, right Mommy?"

"Yeah. But why don't you give him a chance? You might like him better than Uncle Barry."

"Okay. But I don't think I'll like him better than Uncle Barry."

"We'll see. Now, let's get you ready honey."

They arrived at CCPD an hour later after Caitlin thought of a place where she could surprise Barry. They were greeted by Joe who's more than excited to see his granddaughter.

"Ellie! What brings you here today?"

"Grandpa Joe! Mommy said I'm meeting my daddy today. Are you my daddy Grandpa Joe?" She asked, her features distorting in the most adorable way.

"No, baby. But you'll know soon." Joe said, trying to contain his laughter.

"Is he here?" Caitlin asked.

"He's upstairs at the lab. I'm sure he'll be surprised to see you."

"Thanks Joe. Would you mind if I leave you with Ellie for a while?"

"Of course not. I'll be more than happy to spend time with Ellie."

"Great. I'll go ahead now."

Caitlin went upstairs to see Barry and tell him that she has finally decided to tell Ellie the truth. What she didn't know is that he's currently in the middle of a heated conversation with Iris.

But of course she wouldn't think that because what she saw is something that would surprise her instead, something in stark contrast to two people arguing.

There in the middle of the lab is a picture of Iris kissing Barry.

She told herself she wouldn't cry and so she didn't. She rushed downstairs to get Ellie, leaving a baffled Joe behind. Then she called Cisco to look after Ellie for a while which he immediately agreed upon hearing the pain her voice.

She went home late the night, making sure Ellie is already asleep. She won't let her see her in that state, sparing her the pain and worry. After she told Cisco what happened, she insisted for him to go home and that he shouldn't worry about her too much. When she received the usual good night text from Barry and asking why she never came for lunch, she let herself break down, soaking her pillow with salty tears.

She knew she won't be able to sleep that night. That sight will plague her until her dreams turn into nightmares. If only she knew what really happened then she won't be feeling this miserable.

* * *

XVII.

Barry is just finishing the report Captain Singh asked for him to do. Caitlin texted him earlier that they will drop by to have lunch with him which is actually the cause of the goofy smile on his face. But it disappeared when he saw Iris waiting for her at the entrance of his lab.

 _"Iris? What are you doing here?"_

 _"Barry, I was wondering if we could talk?"_

 _"I don't know. Caitlin will be here any time now."_

 _"Please, Barry. I can't stand this anymore. Let's settle this once and for all."_

 _"Fine. What do you want to talk about?"_

 _"I just want to say sorry for everything. The way I acted towards Ellie and Caitlin, I know it was wrong but I just couldn't stand the idea of losing you for good Barry."_

 _"What do you mean Iris? They're not stealing me away from you. You're the one distancing yourself from me."_

 _"It's because I need to, okay? Remember before you disappeared, you told me that you love me? I didn't know what to tell you then because I don't want to ruin what we have but when you got lost, there I realized that I'm feeling the same way." She said and took a couple of steps towards him until they're only inches apart._

 _"Iris, things have changed. Even before I met Ellie and Caitlin, I haven't been feeling the same way. When I came back, you made me feel like I'm not the same normal person I was before. So when you started showing me your affection, I saw you as someone taking pity on me and I don't want that Iris."_

 _"Barry, please you've misunderstood me. I love you." And that's when she kissed him, hoping that the gesture is enough to make him realize his true feelings. Because how can he fall out of love with someone he loved for so long and be in love with someone he just met so easily?_

 _"Stop! Iris, just stop!" He took both of her arms and wiggled out of her embrace._

 _"Barry, I-"_

 _"What do you think you're doing Iris? I'm with Caitlin now and we have a daughter. Do you think I'll give that up just because you can't accept the fact that I don't feel the same way about you anymore? Grow up, Iris."_

 _"I'm so sorry Barry. I really am. You're right. I've been selfish and what I did to you and Caitlin is something I'm not proud of. I'm so afraid that I will lose you for good that's why I took out all my frustrations at them. Please-"_

 _"I don't want to hear anything from you for now Iris. You're still my friend and I respect you but if you ever do something like this again, I'm afraid I might just forget what you mean to me."_

 _"Barry, I-"_

 _"Just leave, okay? Leave."_

Later that night, he texted Caitlin his usual good night message and asked her why she didn't show up for lunch earlier. When he didn't receive a reply, he started thinking of how he never heard from her ever since her last message that morning. Bothered, he dialed her number only for it to go to voicemail. What was happening? Caitlin isn't one to do something like this except something bad happened to her. Trying to stay positive, he called Cisco not minding that's it's already past midnight.

After some (actually, a lot) convincing he did just for Cisco to spill, he dropped the phone as realization hit him hard. No, no, no, this isn't happening. He can't lose someone again. Everyone but them. Not Ellie. Not Caitlin. They're the ones who pulled him out of the darkness of his past and he's afraid that if he ever lose them again, that would be it for him.

He rushed to Joe's room and borrowed the car keys, promising to fill him in with the details when he came back. He sped up to Caitlin's apartment and knocked on her door. It's almost one in the morning but he paid no mind. He didn't stop until she opened the door and revealed her tear-stained cheeks and pain-stricken eyes.

"Cait!" He rushed forward and encased her in a tight hug but she didn't budge.

"Let go of me, Barry." She said emotionlessly, which chilled Barry to the bone. This isn't the Caitlin he knew. She maybe a bit cold in the beginning but she's never like this.

"No, I won't. I'll never let go unless you hear me out. Please, baby."

"I said, let go of me."

"Cait please, you don't understand. She's the one who kissed me. I-"

"Why didn't you tell me you had feelings for her? You loved her even before you knew what love was, isn't that right Barry?"

"I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter anymore. My feelings for her where gone even before you told me that we had a daughter. Please Cait, believe me."

"I'm a scientist Barry, a doctor. People like us believe in what we see rather than what other people might tell us to be true. So, I'm asking you one last time to let me go or else you'll never see me or your daughter ever again."

In that moment, he fell silent. He felt as if everything has been taken away from him and there's nothing he could to but to watch and blame himself. The pain almost surpassed the feeling he felt when he had lost his parents and he knew exactly what would happen next.

The darkness is coming back.

And he found himself walking towards the depths of it.

* * *

Epilogue.

Two years have passed and Caitlin found herself in a whole new environment. A new house, just like how she pictured it, with a backyard and a front porch. A new career, she has quit her job at S.T.A.R. Labs to focus on the more important thing that needs her full attention firsthand: taking care of Ellie. And most of all a new-

She reached for the other side of the bed only for her to realize that it's empty. Of course it will be. She's still not used to waking up this late but she knows it will do her good. Besides, she's not sleeping just for herself now.

She wondered how, after all that's happened, after all the pain she had to endure, she'll end up like this. She never felt complete as she is now and that's because of the man she vowed to love forever.

The man who never gave up on her despite her almost giving up on him. She let herself travel back to the time when they got engaged. It wasn't a fairytale-like occasion with matching lights and music. It happened in a very inconvenient way, when she thought she has lost him again. It wasn't how she imagined her engagement to be but she wouldn't have it any other way.

 _"Caitlin, I need your help."_

 _"What are you doing here, Iris."_

 _"I need to talk to you. It's about Barry."_

 _"We have nothing left to talk about."_

 _"Please, listen to me. I'm sorry about everything I did. It's all my fault Caitlin. I'm the one who kissed him. He made it clear that he didn't love me anymore and that you're the one he truly loves. He needs your help now-"_

 _"Why would I believe you, Iris? And what makes you think I'll help him after all that's happened?"_

 _"Because I know you still love him. And if you don't go after him right now he might disappear again."_

 _"What do you mean by that?"_

 _"After he went home yesterday, we've noticed that something's wrong with him. It's the same behavior he had after his dad died. Please Caitlin, I don't want him to go through that state again. You're the one who can help him."_

 _"Where is he?"_

 _"He's at home. He refused to go out of his room since yesterday."_

 _"Okay, I'll talk to him. Can you look after Ellie for a while?"_

 _"Of course. Thank you Caitlin. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you and Ellie."_

 _"Don't thank me yet."_

 _Caitlin rushed to Joe's house and went straight to Barry's room. She found him tucked between his bed and a small cabinet, hugging both of his legs close to his body. She's never seen him like this, so broken and miserable and she had only herself to blame. She slowly walked towards him and bend down to his level, putting her hands carefully on top of his balled fists. When he slowly look up, she noticed how gravely his face looked and he still wore the clothes he had yesterday._

 _"Cait?"_

 _"Yes, Barry it's me."_

 _"But I thought you-"_

 _"Shh. You don't have to say anything. I know already." She carefully took both of his hands and urged him to sit on the bed. As he did, she took the space beside him and cradled his head in her arms, whispering words of comfort._

 _"I'm really sorry that I didn't believe you. I guess I got carried away by my own pain I didn't realize you were hurting too."_

 _"Did you mean it? When you said that I won't see you or Ellie again?"_

 _"No, of course not. And from now on I promise you that we'll always be bu your side no matter what."_

 _"But what if I screw up again? What if I make a mistake? What if I-I go crazy again, Cait?"_

 _"Barry look at me." But he just held her tighter and kept on rambling incomprehensible things._

 _"Baby, please look at me." And he did. "I love you, okay? Nothing can change that. Not your mistakes and certainly not you going crazy. I'll say this once okay? So you better listen and listen to me well. I never saw you as someone who went insane because if I did, I wouldn't have asked for your help in the first place. I wouldn't have let you in my daughter's life who is the most important to me and above all, I wouldn't have chosen to fall in love with you all over again if I don't you think you're worth it. You're worth every pain, Barry. And please don't tell me to forget what happened to you because how can I ever forget those moments, that particular night that gave us Ellie? I love you Barry, flaws and all."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't telling the truth right?"_

 _"Why did I do to deserve you, Cait?"_

 _"Nothing. You know it doesn't work that way. Just think of this as me choosing to be happy despite everything we've been through. This is me choosing happiness with you."_

 _"I love you so much, Cait. I really do. I don't think I can afford losing you or Ellie again so please do me a favor."_

 _"Anything."_

 _"Make me the happiest man again and marry me Cait?"_

 _She didn't expect for him to ask that for it may be a bit soon. But she knows, they both know that this is where they belong, in each other's arms. She looked intently at his emerald eyes before crashing her lips into his. He quickly returned the kiss and put his arms at her waist, pulling her closer until she's almost straddling him. They pulled away for a second, their eyes searching for each other, silently asking if they're both ready for this. In one swift glance at each other's bodies, they knew the answer._

 _A few passionate moments later, she's flushed against him, her head comfortably resting on his chest as she let the sound of his heartbeat calm her senses. She's about to close her eyes when she heard him speak._

 _"You still haven't answered my question."_

 _"Was this-" She said, gesturing between their naked bodies. "-not a good enough answer for you?"_

 _"You've been saying 'yes' a lot of times earlier but I don't think that's for the question I asked-ow!" That earned him a slap on his chest as she tried to conceal her embarrassment by burying her face further into his neck. She moved her lips closer to his ear and then he heard it._

 _"Yes."_

She found him at the kitchen, wearing nothing but shorts and her apron. It was a sight to see but she wouldn't tell him that. She smirked as she remembered the events of last night. She knew Barry would be a lot more insistent about that when he learns of the news she's about to tell him.

She slowly glided across the kitchen to put her arms his frame, peppering kisses from his back up to his neck and ear then whispered,

"Good morning, Mr. Allen."

"It seems that you woke up in a good mood today, huh Mrs. Allen? Slept well last night?"

"You could say that. But it's only been for a couple of hours since someone is very insistent on doing something else rather than go to sleep."

"I don't hear you complaining last night."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that you should enjoy it while you still can because in the coming months, you won't be able to do so."

"Why? Are you saying what I think you're saying? Baby, are you-"

"Yes. I just found out yesterday."

"Found out what, Mommy?" Ellie asked as she entered the kitchen, rubbing the sleep off of her eyes.

"Good morning, sweetie. Mommy and I have news for you."

"What is it, Daddy?"

Barry left his cooking first and went to carry Ellie and have her sit down on the kitchen counter. Both of them settling on each of her side.

"Mommy is pregnant and soon you'll be a big sister. Would you like that?"

"Yup! There's a baby growing inside your tummy, Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie. And if the baby grows a bit older, you're gonna have someone to play with." Caitlin said, tucking a few stands of auburn curls behind her daughter's ear.

"Really? Then I want two more."

They both laughed at that then Barry kissed his daughter's forehead and said,

"Just remember sweetie, no matter how many siblings you'll have, Mommy and I are going to love you all just as much."

"I love you too, Daddy and Mommy."

And they all went for a family hug. As they were about to pull away, Barry whispered to Caitlin's ear,

"I love you, Dr. Allen."

"Always and forever, Mr. Allen."

* * *

 ** _fin._**

* * *

 **AN: Here's a little something from the psychology major part of myself. Forgive me if there's an inaccuracy regarding the medical stuff (SCD). I've always wanted to write something with a little touch of psych so I hope you guys enjoyed this one.**

 **-A**


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